The Lover Letter: A Risk Worth Taking- a confessional love story

The Love letter: A Risk Worth Taking

Yasvir Sorout ( )

Okay, let's start with a confession - I ended thing with her very rudely. It's not like that I am a rude guy but I had to become rude to end things with her.

I was in senior  secondary and a brilliant student. Year was 2011 when I saw her for the first time. She was a beautiful girl and probably still is. But It was not like it was love at first sight. No, it was not like that at all. And to be honest there was no love at all. But it was love at first sight for my friend who fall in love with this girl.

My friend who was a brilliant student and a bookworm started acting weird after that. He started to follow this girl, started to dream about her ( if you what  I mean ). He was using all kind of Indian Village lover tricks to entice her. There were times when we used to talk about books, chapters, science concepts.  And by " we " I mean five boys who were supposed to be the toppers of the school . My friend started to talk about her almost all the time. He was not leaving us alone in nights also . Rest four of us started to get sick of him.

But that was not the only problem. She showed interest in him for a while but after few days , things stated to get complicated. She was neither rejecting him nor accepting him which made him some kind of Majnu ( or call him whatever you want to ).

So, one day I had to go to Delhi for a test. I came back to the school in the night ( yes, we used to sleep in the school ).  My crazy friend was talking about her. I was tired and I just wanted to sleep. But to my surprise, I received a tight slap on my face. Then he received a slap and it burst into a fight. I was naturally  surprised by his behavior. I did not know what  had just happened. Even my best friends did not tell me what was going on.

Next day, few of my classmates came running to me and told me that I was a real man. Not that I ever suspected myself , I wanted to know why I was a real man.

I found that out. When I was in Delhi, my crazy-in-love friend had confronted her to get a clear answer. He did get a clear answer. Just not the answer  he had anticipated. He found out that she had a crush on me. Somehow. So, situation was that I did nothing and I lost one of my friends just because a girl had a crush on me which was baffling to me. Even to this day. I had never noticed her but I must have done something  which I was not aware of, that had impressed her. I still do not know what I had done.

But here is the interesting part. Even though, the entire school knew that she had crush on me and I knew that she had a crush on me but we did not talk to each other for the entire year. We passed out the school. And four of us topped the school. The crazy friend was out of the list. To this day, he and I ignore each other.

All of us got scattered. I went to Kota and she stayed in Village. After that I took admission in Lovely Professional University. But I did not know that my past was about to come in my way. Year was 2013 when I got a call from an unknown number. Actually from a series of unknown numbers. A girl was on the other side of every call. 

I tried to know her name but she challenged me to guess her name which irritated me the most. I had completely forgotten about her. When she was totally convinced that she was successful in irritating me, she told me her name. And I instantly recognized her.

And then started the longest year of my life. I started getting calls after calls. On an average I was getting three calls a day and every call lasting for half an hour at least. And during every call, she asked me if I loved her and every time I told her, "No". She even cried, she used "Girl-Charm" and other tricks but my answer was same.

Now,  telling her "No" every time had started to make me feel guilty. I started to feel like I was doing something wrong which was weird because I never had a crush on her.  So as a redemption, I started to convince her that she could do much better than me. I told her to find an actual boyfriend who would treat her like princess. But I was not going to be that boy.

Okay, a word of caution here. Never use this idea to get rid of a girl. You may end up in big trouble. Because here is what happened.

She took my advice and met a boy who was having crush on her. She started to tell me about this boy and I used to tell her about what boys like and what they don't like. She was happy and I was feeling relaxed. But how could God let me be happy. In just one month, She and that boy did the worst thing they could ever do. She asked the boy to marry her and she found out that the boy was looking for the sex only. And it's been just one month of their relationship which ended after that. Now when I think of that I feel how I can be such a stupid. I mean how could I forget that boys would be boys and that girl was a emotional knapsack.

Things came back to square one which was me. Now, she started to use an emotional blackmail kind of thing against me. I was getting sick of her, I was getting irritated. A fear had started to grow inside me. Whenever my phone rang, I just prayed to God that she was not on the other side of the phone. I had started to complain to my friends who used to laugh at my misery.

But to tell you the truth, I could never tell her to not to call me. I could never do that. Despite everything, I always picked up the phone whenever she called. I don't know the reason. But every person has his or her limits and so did I.

My breaking point came in June 2014. I was at home during summer vacation. It was 5 AM in the morning and I was sleeping. And my father started shouting at me because I was sleeping at 5 AM in the morning.

Okay, I forgot to tell you, My father is an army man and he likes army rules. So, my father started shouting at me because I was sleeping at 5 AM in the morning. He wanted me to go to jogging or to do some workout. Actually, My father was giving me very hard time those days. Every day, he had some reasons to scream at me. And If there was no reason he created few by himself. At one side it was my father and on the other side, she was there to torture me. My life had become a living hell.

I left the home with full of anger. I just wanted to scream but he was my father . So I could not do that. I reached to our farms and I was damn angry and full of rage. I wanted to break thing , I wanted to do something to get the anger out of my system.   And my phone rang.

" What? Are you stupid? It's 5 AM in the morning. Don't you have some work to do? I have told you that we are never going to happen. Don't you get it?" I did not even give her a chance to say Hello.

"What happened?" She asked. I could sense that she had started to crying. But my anger was at peak.

" Nothing happened. Why do you call me all the time?" I could feel the anger increasing.

" because I love you"

" I don't care if you love me. I do not love you. Okay. Never call me again. No. Never. Do not call me ever again" I screamed.

Now, I could hear her crying. May be it was a breaking point for her as well. " Okay. I will never bother you again. But I am scared for you. You may never find a true love. Or if you ever did, my heart says that girl will break you the way you have broken me. She will reject you every time. " 

Though she had promised me that she would never call me, I heard from her very recently in February 2018. That is whole other story and very interesting one. But leave that story for some other time. Now, you guys might be thinking that writer is exaggerating things. You might be thinking that there is no way she had said that.

So let me rethink. Nope. She actually said that. Her exact word were in Hindi, " Jaise tumne bar bar mera dil toda hai , waise hi ek din ek ladki tumhara dil todegi ."

And I said, " I am fine with that."

And that was the end of that story . Now you guys must be thinking ," Where is the love letter? Story's title is The Love Letter." Well, this is the end of that story. A new story has been taking shape since 2016.

So, here is the important part. After two years, I met a girl who is beautiful, intelligent and very bold . Whenever I see her, I can literally feel my senses going down. I met her in Jalandhar two years back when I was searching for a job. She and I had a lot in common. Since the first day, we started to flirt with each other. Soon after that, new feeling started to grow inside me. I started to like her.

 But the situation is against me. I have told her that I like her but not in the exact words. But that should not matter because I am still getting rejections. But I am not crying or getting irritated or getting angry. In reality, I am enjoying these rejections. I cannot tell how much I am enjoying this situation. It's been two years now and there is no chance of any improvement. I have joined MBA and she is doing job. Now, call me hapless romantic but whenever I look at something beautiful (girl or a flower or some other beautiful thing), it reminds of her. She is always in my mind, even when I am talking to some other beautiful girl or doing some other work. Whenever I am lost in my thoughts or if I am talking to myself, consider it that I am thinking about her.

 She is in Jalandhar and I am Jalanadhar but we do not meet each other frequently but whenever we meet, we have hell of a time. We laugh. we flirt, we make fun of each other and we never get serious about my feelings which is very tough for me. But I am still smiling at my situation.

Because  here is the philosophical part," If it is easy to get, it's not worth getting."

Now, you guys have read the entire story and so have "you". I know things are going to be very complicated. Everything is against me. I know I will get rejection only. But I cannot help myself. I do not want to go in but I cannot stop myself. And all of it is happening just because I have a Stupid intuition. May be not today, not tomorrow, not after a month or a year or even after ten years, but you will say , " YES".

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